It is Monday morning and people in the workplace chat about what they did over the weekend. This is all perfectly normal. It is an important part of the social life of a team
Sometimes people may ask the question in a ritual way and not really be listening to the answer [see note 1]. But there is a way using of such questions in an abusive relationship where there is a lot more going on.
So why would a bully ask their victim "Did you have a good weekend?" when really they are not interested (or may even hope for the opposite)?
First: it is good camouflage for the bully. It may create a false appearance that everything in the bully's attitude to the victim is normal and caring. Bullies can be good actors. The wider group will find it hard to reconcile alleged bullying with the normality they think they observe. The bully's behaviour can change abruptly when there is nobody else there to witness it.
Second: it forces the victim to answer. So it is a form of control. Not answering could be read as the victim exhibiting difficult behaviour. So the victim has to say something even if it is just a curt "Yes, thank you". Having to participate in this insincerity is potentially detrimental to the victim's self-esteem, adding to the overall destructive dynamic.
Third: it allows the bully to take the victim's emotional temperature. The bully will recognise the subtle signs in body language and intonation which will show exactly how uncomfortable, or courageous, the victim currently is. If the observation raises alarm bells, the bully may feel compelled to take action.
Fourth: it may provide the bully with information about the victim's personal life which can be exaggerated later to suggest deflecting explanations of the origins of the victim's work related stress or other difficulties actually caused by the bully
Also, in the slightly different context of group bullying (where a single victim is isolated and deliberately excluded by the rest of the group), for the victim to have to hear the group re-live what they all did together over the weekend can reinforce the isolation
Note 1
Many years ago I had a boss who would ask socially polite questions but was not really listening to the answers. Once he asked me "Did you have a good holiday?" and for a joke I answered "The hotel burnt down and all my children died". Confirming my theory, he went on
"That's good. Now about those reports..."
